Is finding someone who loves you as much as you love him that tough? Is love never lasting? Why does it seem to me that time will always outrun love? Why do people shortchange love from others? I can't seem to hold my head together any longer. It's too much for me to take, and I have to act like nothing's wrong in my life at all. I'm feeling so exhausted, so nauseous. I'm almost revolted by the word "love".

What does it really mean to love? Why do people not think of the consequences of surrending your heart to that certain someone when he happens to be the wrong person all along. Why do we still love when we know it's not being reciprocated? Why can't we think rationally when it comes to love? Why does it seem that we never learn?

When we learn, we grow. Yet, there always seem to be a certain emptyness/hollowness when love isn't around. Is love all we're living for? My eyes burn, my head throbs, my heart aches. It sucks to have this happen once every few days. My being can't hold it any longer. Every part is crumpling into small tiny parts. I'm increasingly irritable and prickly and edgy. I don't like the current person I am the slightest bit. I whine, I complain, I cry, I rant, but why does it seem that nothing's changed at all. I wait -this is the first time I've ever been so patient- but it's taking way too long, and my patience's running out. When I need someone there, no one's there. Why does my life seem so bleak, so laughable...

I ever wondered, ten years down the road, what a person I would be. What kind of life I'd be leading? Would I already forget about my fears? Would I have found my soulmate? Would I still be alive by then? Somehow, I can't picture anything. Nothing at all. What does that mean?

And my supposed best friend seems to have found a new best friend.

Labels: Serious Ramblings