I think up till now, this friendship is all about you. Don't you think you're a tad selfish? I'm sick of all the giving, really. It should be my turn to receive. It sucks to be whinny and upset but I can't help it. I want to tell you. I tried. But it turned out to be a futile attempt because you hardly ask about my feelings, anything about me. Hell, you don't even read my blog. Am I just a dumping ground for you to pour out your woes, your secrets, your gossips, your unhappiness..? Then I take in more, some more, even more until I can take it no longer. I explode. I've got enough problems of my own. Everytime I try to talk, you shut me up -unintentionally or not- and yak yak yak. I'm angry, undoubtedly, but mostly disappointed. And now you're handing over your mess to me. I don't understand everything you're doing. I don't.

I'm mentally and physically drained. My eyes wanted to shut so much -when I plonked onto the MRT seat today- even when I struggled to keep them open. I hate waking up with aching neck and bones. I want to be the Victoria who doesn't care about self-image. I need to be crazy happy wacky. I've been in this state for way too long. I'm about to snap.

I don't see the point in taking tests cause no matter how low the scores are, the results get moderated and I managed to scrape a C even though I got 7/38. Superb aye? I think it's trash. I'm not learning anything, even when I thought I was.

And I've had enough of criticisms. I'm sick of people ribbing me 24/7. I'm sick of people treating me like garbage. I'm human too. Fuck. Fuck you.

My skin is itching. My head is throbbing. My bones and neck are aching. My calves hurt. My body hurts so much that I'm tempted to holler at you. I'm trying to pry my eyes open. I feel like utter crap. I never fail to do so.

Why? So many questions left unanswered.

Labels: bitchings