I'm suffering from insomnia. I deduced this from my being-able-to-fall-asleep-only-after-4am-onwards symptom.

I've been thinking...
that maybe I should stop pursuing things that are beneath my reach. I jump, I stretch, I do all sorts of things to grab hold of it. But no matter what I do, it never comes. It's hard to be optimistic all the time. It gets so bad sometimes, that I feel like ending it all by my own means. Of course, I didn't. I don't even have to courage to do so. I am only 17 this year, but the trials and tribulations involved are way beyond the mere seventeen years of my life. What's worse, no one has truly been there for me. When I thought I've finally found a confidante, that person disappoints me. All I ask for is someone who listens and understands. Sometimes, I even feel that God has abandoned me. Leaving me to endure all the pain, agony and heartache.

One year. It's been one year since. Instead of emancipation, I find more woes piling up; which really aren't my problems at all. Why am I to bear the misdeeds of others?

I am a person without self-identity. I have no skills/talents to be proud of. Sometimes, I believe myself to be an empty shell. I have no goals in life either. I am just living for each day I'm alive. Art, music, sports; I can juggle all but there's not a single thing I excel in. Jack of all trades, master of none is formed for me. I loathe myself. I am fat and ridden with eczema.

I want to be a better daughter, sister, friend, student, tutor, disciple. I need to be a better person. Can anyone tell me how?

Life is such a tough game. I feel like quiting.

Labels: think